Laugh it out 10

There was this tiger in a zoo who wanted to enjoy the freedom. He planned his escape well and jumped the mote in darkness. He jumped into the cargo wagon and reached Bangalore by midnight and made his escape. He was awestruck by Bangalore by night and took shelter under the stairs of Vidhana Soudha.

By day break, the noise outside was so scary and traffic which was totaly new to the tiger made him freeze in fear. But rumble in the tummy made him eager to come out of hiding. He just waited for evening and caught hold of a politician and ate him up and returned to his newfound home and slept.

This routine without much problem went on till one day he made the mistake of eating the boy who supplied coffee/tea to vidhana soudha.

All hell broke loose when it was found out that there was no coffee/tea.There was a haunt launched for the missing boy and with the help of dogs, the police located the killer tiger and captured it.

Arjun & Cough Syrup

Shwetha and Tharun met in the pre-university and enjoyed each other’s company very much. As life would have it they fell in love and married. As proof of their love, little Arjun was born.

As both partners understood and agreed, Tharun held his steady sales job while Shwetha decided to take a 3 year break from career to ensure Arjun gets a proper grounding and much needed love.

Like any other couple, they too had their difference and agreements on various issues including buying a site on moon.

Arjun had grown up now to be that walking toddler who had the ambition to check out everything. It so happened one day, that while waving good bye to the toddler, Tharun noticed that medicine – cough syrup was kept near the TV and warned Shwetha to keep it away from prying hands of Arjun, lest he pulled the bottle and it broke and hurt him. Shwetha nodded her head with plans of many uncompleted works for the day.

Tharun got a panicky call from shwetha in near tears. She was saying something about Arjun and medicine. Tharun aborted his sales call and rushed to house.

On entering his house, he saw the dead body of Arjun – due to drinking the 60ml sweet cough syrup and inconsolable shwetha…

What would you do being in tharuns shoes, what would be your exact words?

Dieseases…eligibility

In my quest to insure self and family against medical excigencies, I undertook a mini audit of all possible health insurance companies. It was a strange thing that I found the following list of diseases will be excluded from the policy irrespective of ones health status.

Cataract, Benign Prostatic Hypertrophy, Hysterectomy for Menorrhagia, Fibromyoma, Hernia, Hydrocele, Congenital Internal Diseases, Fistula in Anus, Piles, Sinusitis

Not that I could understand much of the diseases except a couple of the names but what was astonishing is that allmost all the companies had the same general set of diseases. I understand that Insurance Regulatory Development Authority (IRDA) has approved these lists but this would have stemmed from some medical research pending which all of them would not take notice and include in exclusions right?

So, folks, here is the list we are most probably going to suffer/die from than other diseases OR is there something more than that strikes the eye?

The Swizz bank of India

Its allways been the dream of every corrupt Government babu, the business man, Film stars, Sport stars ( created and actuals), media barons, liqour barons et all.

The needed to have a safe (pun intended) heaven where they could store the ill gotten money such that no legal entity could touch it. Just think how much Sir Osama would be laughing away in a secret named account?

We got introduced to this LOTUS and MONTBLANC accounts – thanks to Bofors mishandling of the deal. Stupid guys flunked the secret parlyes and left a trail that even a street dog mascuarding as a police dog could pick up and the general Janta like us got to know about the swiss rules.

It has allways been my dream to find such a heaven without travelling to switzerland, france or even some islands. Help came from the most unexpected quarter – my small savings agent who was chatting with me blurted out the secret.

The Government Post Office is the local swizz brand. Just take a time deposit just like a fixed deposit of any bank and you are offered returns except you need to hide the physical certificates elsewhere.

I was floored – the agent went on to say – sir there is not Tax deduction at source, No questions about photographs for opening account, No limits of money that can be slashed, No PAN number what more do you need?

I blurted remembering the KISAN VIKAS patra muddle created by Ms Gandhi who said anybody can deposit but show source of income while withdrawing which saw the end of the scheme.

The Agent laughed. Sir, are the politicians fools, when they have slashed excess amount in post offices, why would they harm themselves by such laws?

That statement opened my eyes and am looking out for the nearest post office…

Kids n Gifts

Junior is studying in 1st standard. He just came home flashing a couple of chocolates from school. On questioning he said – Happy birthday. Little pestering from me to find out who’s birthday returned a blank answer – Dont know!!

For this – the parents ensure all the kids in the class get a couple of chocolates. Not to stop here, some of them give gifts like pencil, rubber, scale, notebook. The child is left with an impression that he/she too has to give a gift in return – puts back pressure on the parents – not all of them can afford that but how will the kid understand this?

I think the teachers have to explain and put a full stop to this. One positive thing in the whole issue is the kid learns to GIVE rather than TAKE or GRAB – something important for ones personal development.

Its raining borewells…

Oops you are right.

If it rains cats and dogs elsewhere, in my part of Bangalore its raining borewells all the way. The background for this seem to be in the order passed by BBMP regarding new borewells. They can not be drilled without written permission of BBMP and all land mafia goons beleive this would devalue their lands – however illegitimate their aquisition be.

The current scenario is, every site owner drills the hole and closes it. Upon sucessfull deal of this – the seller will price higher by 75,000 rupees as it has already got a borewell dug as per vastu!!!

What an intelligent way to circumvent the rule? Think mother earth is a fool to get circumvented – the poor owners who buy and build castles in air beforehand, will be in for a rude shock – none of the borewells will have water – worse – they are all poisioneed by dreaded E-coli or is heavily contaminated.

So there is a rat race even for that contaminated water ….. who knows? You may be starting a water tanker facitlity to sell this liquid gold!

Ayurveda – Yoga – 2

Yoga – the root word (dathu) in sanskirt YUJ refers to joining 2 entities. So the meaning of this is to bring togather or join. So what is yoga joining – its the body and mind.

Basically yoga is one single practice prescribed in ashtanga yogas or 7 different things to be used for human kind to effectively achieve this joining viz Yama, Niyama, Asana, Dharana, Prathyahara, Dhyana, Pranayama.

Briefly speaking Yama refers to the common good tents to be followed by a person aspiring to be a Yogi like doing things as per schedule, not hurting others physicaly or mentally, following all the advices as given in the sacred books or vedas and ensuring all the words of guru and elders are followed.

Niyama refers to the yogic aspect where one follows things as layed down in sacred texts as per schedule. For example niyama may be to do Sandhyavandhanam for a male while it could be observing the bahishte rituals for a woman. The meaning is more vast and this is just a gist.

Asana refers to the physical poses as laid down by Sri Pathanjali – performed as per directions under the able guidence of guru. This is what the society is told as Yoga today.

Dharana referes to the ability of a yogi to concentrate on a single aspect despite opposing forces and ensures the yogi achieves the desired goals.

Prathyahara refers to the ability of a yogi to NOT reciprocate to every thing sent towards the yogi. Example could be somebody bad mouthing, abusing etc this may include physical forms too. An yogi would need to observe this as part of the system.

Pranayama refers to the movement of pranic shakthi or life force within the human body. There are simple techniques by which these movements can be altered. In sacred texts or Ayurveda it is the imbalance of these pranic forces which create dosha or illness. To some extent common man has exposure to these techniques too.

The biggest point to note here is 70% of the people out there talking,teaching are only exposing the people to physical aspects of asanas with some extensions of pranayama only.

Even in the asana section, one is made to do 100 plus asanas which definetly give physical ability like a body builder but for the total development of a yogi this alone is destructive – example yogi with asanas alone develops superiority complex followed by Gurva or ahankara. Our rishis knew about this one sided development which is a dangeours thing and prescribed the 7 aspects – a mixture of which is leading to life goal.

Coming down to the classes conducted by various self taught gurus most of them tend to correct the physical postures. The most important thing in this dimension – the breathing technique which should be mastered is totally ignored.

One should concentrate initially on the pain generating parts of the body due to a asana, later on get physical supplleness with good pranic movement and finaly join the mind with that prana is the goal of the asana section.

Readers, if you aspire to learn any of the above techniques, a very balanced guru with exposure to everything is important,.pending which you will be like a kid with 80% marks committing suicide without balance in life.

Om. tat. sat

Rain rain Go away come again some other day

This seems to be the mantra for Bangalorians off late… seeing the dark skies on the horizon,

If you are resident, water rushes into houses and makes life miserable and takes away a few lives too.

If you are a commuter – pedestrain, motor vehicle then too you would be washed away in sudden floods, fall into BWSSB man holes..

If you are a consumer – Vegetables, flowers cost touch new highes as they are already in the sky…

If you are a motor insurance Agent – You jump in joy and glee as the company increases the premium year over year, your commission gets plummer year over year…

Rain rain please go away to catchment areas so that we can cleanse our internal systems from all sins through out the year!

Ayurveda – Yoga – 1

The above two are one of the most heard, used, abused, misused topics that I can hear on all types of media with its own proponents and opponents.

Lets take the first system – Ayur meaning Life and veda crudely translated meaning science. So it has been called the life science handed over from our rishis who have taken the short cut with out experiments as it got transimitted from their concious minds. For a person to enjoy the beneifits of this beautiful system – the first thing is to find the right doctor.

This is where the problem begins. When the doctor does not diagnose the problem correctly, no amount of medicine change or doctor change can help you. The result would be in your answers like – I tried it too, but no help!

Traditionaly ayurvedic pundits check your pulse ( nadi) and catagorize your body into either khapa,vaatha,pittha,ushna etc and accordingly provide the cure. Now a days the ayurvedic doctors sport things from sphygmomonometer to stethascopes which are not inteded by lord dhanvantrhi – the vishnu incarnation originally. For Example, a medicinal herb can contain gastric pain in people of vaatha nature but increase gastric activity if given to people with ushna category!!!!

The modern ayurvedic doctors also specalize in branded medicines which to my amusement is what the system did not envisage at all!! The fact is that horlicks has nutrients is as good a lie as shankapushti helps in easing breathing problems!! The ayur texts lay down the rules that the person has to be properly diagnoised, use herbs in order of increasing order of sevierity with close dieatary controls. But, in the modern world who has time for all those diets? Pop a pill and forget the ill is the mantra!! Ayurveda just does not function that way at all!!

The last straw in the game was when USA and Europe citing high concentrations of mercury,lead and other heavy metals beyond norms banned those ayurvedic preperations. The fact is these metals independently are toxic but in quantities mixed with other medicines/herbs dont exhibit the same potency. The english medicine does not believe in mixing up things – no issues there but the Ayurveda attempts curing the root cause not the symptom!

Medicinal preperation is another delicate issue here. The texts lay down strict methods for example while preparing a particular khashya, the cleaned leaf has to be dried in sun for 29 days and then boiled. But, our modern factories take short cuts and use machines to dry out the leaves quickly. The rhyme and reason of drying in sun is not questioned but the factory wants to make quick buck there and how do you expect results from such medicines?

Neither do we understand those sanskrit texts, nor do we have those herbs to prepare at home but depend on allopathic type of diagnosis, branding, preperation and usage. The results are extremly poor and the system gets blamed for that!!!

to be continued…..

Airtel & Lifetime

The companies go all out to sell their services and here is a sample of wisdom shelled out by Air tel for its prepaid customers.

You pay 495 once and for life time they would not be charging rental.

There are some minor clauses like unless the usage is 200 Re for six months. In case you dont use that much – sorry your connection is terminated!

As of today, the customer care is not sure wether that 200 Rs is monthly or for the 6 months duration!! Assurances are given and broken time again.

What’s the logic for this life time prepaid if minimum amount needs to be spent, the customer can take regular connection and spend that amount? This is another cheating case just like credit card companies selling free cards unless you spend 20,000 Rs worth of purchases on the card.

Is Telecom Regulatory Authority of India listening.. Hello…hello….